Funny Marriage Quotes

Laugh, Love, and Appreciate

The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed. ~ Chamfort

This is a collection of funny marriage quotes which poke fun at the institution of marriage. The beauty of this special union is that through good times and bad times, there is always room for humor and laughter.

Can you think back to a time where you shared laughter with someone important? Can you remember how you felt? It's a wonderful feeling isn't it?

Now if you haven't experienced sheer joy and laughter with that special someone yet, these funny marriage quotes are a great place to start. With that said, you are sure to smile as you read the following quotes about marriage.

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funny marriage quotes

Funny Marriage Quotes

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~ Rita Rudner

Love is much nice to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holidy pattern over Philadelphia. ~ Judith Viorst

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~ Socrates

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight. ~ Phyllis Diller

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ~ Henny Youngman

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. ~ Unknown

Funny Marriage Quotes

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. ~ Evelyn Hendrickson

Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for. ~ Mae West

A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it. ~ Don Fraser

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. ~ Adrienne Gusoff

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. ~ Agatha Christie

Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~ Unknown

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. ~ Cecilia Egan

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~ Groucho Marx

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name. ~ Joan Rivers

Funny Marriage Quotes

All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems. ~ Shelley Winters

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. ~ Helen Rowland

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. ~ Oscar Wilde

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. ~ Ogden Nash

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. ~ H.L. Mencken

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. ~ Minnie Pearl

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~ Sacha Guitry

When we got married I told my wife "If you leave me, I'm going with you. And she never did. ~ James Fineous McBride

Hopefully, these funny marriage quotes brought a smile to your face. Always remember this wise quote from Ralph Waldo Emmerson. "To laugh often and love much... to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one's self... this is to have succeeded."

If you love these quotes then you are sure to appreciate a little relationship humor.

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