Smile, Laugh, Appreciate, Love
Welcome to the relationship humor page at beautiful-love-quotes.com. As a firm believer in the power of laughter, I thought it would be fun to poke fun at relationships. Of course, every couple faces highs and lows, but to be able to laugh, love, and love some more is awesome. Enjoy!
How to impress
Relationship Humor: HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Smile at her,
Listen to her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Believe in her,
Pray with her,
Pray for her,
Cuddle with her,
Shop with her,
Give her jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
Show up in a negligee... Bring chicken wings... Don't block the TV.
Relationship Humor: Women and Men
Relationship Humor: A Woman's Revenge
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
Relationship Humor: A Man's Perspective
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
Relationship Humor: Marriage Seminar
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened as the instructor explained, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
Relationship Humor: Wife vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Relationship Humor: W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife that explained that women use 30,000 words a day compared to a man's use of 15,000 words.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."
The husband then turned to his wife and said,"What?"
Relationship Humor: Creation
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain: God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
Relationship Humor: Who Does What
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
The Wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
With that the husband balked, saying, "I can't believe that, show me."
The wife then fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"
Relationship Humor - The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He then left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to confront his wife to see why she hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper read, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Relationship Humor: Happy Endings
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, And feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even Paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen Refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only If she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE A HAPPY ENDING?
Relationship Humor: Are Computers Masculine or Feminine?
A French Teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. E.g. 'house' is feminine - 'la maison', 'Pencil' is masculine - 'le crayon'. A student asked, 'what gender is 'computer'? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into 2 groups - male and female and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be a masculine or feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for the recommendations.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for immediate later retrieval. And...
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem, And...
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed this relationship humor. The idea is to provide you with a smile, maybe a little laugh, and lots of appreciation for relationships. Good or bad, we should all be so lucky to experience love and triumphant over the trial and tribulations of relationships.
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